Sitting here in my new renovated house, I am feeling comftable and anxious all at the same time. I have been feeling anxious since the fires I think, but maybe it was before that? I don’t know… can’t remember how I used to feel, before the importance of memories and the accumulation of stuff took over my being.
Trying to find the link between memories, our connection to them through the stuff we have (or no longer have) and why this is important…
I feel I have an accumulation of stuff in my brain, that goes round and round with no significance, yet the utmost importance. And I have no way of controlling that focus. Things I know I shouldn’t think about, suddenly take me over and engulf me… making me think about them during my waking and sleeping hours.
My memories have accumulated over my lifetime… they connect me to people, places, objects.
Like my attachment to my Great Aunty’s piano. She left it me in her will when I was 3. There was a little family rift (as I remember). My Aunty thought I was too young to get it, and wanted it for my cousin. But it was left to me… so I grew up with the piano. It was in my bedroom at home. When I moved out it remained there until I bought a house. Then it followed me around from Glen Iris to Yarra Glen… where I lost it. I took it to a bushfire prone area, and it was taken in the 2009 Black Saturday fires, along with my home and everything in it. It was the piano that had the biggest impact on me. I made an artwork out of the remaining frame, that we pulled out of the ashes. I fashioned the piano wires into the word ‘sorry’. I felt I need to apologise to my family for losing something that never really felt like it was mine.